In Challenging Times Remember to Look for the Helpers

When the world feels heavy, hope is still there - if we know where to look.

Watching the news these days can have a pretty negative effect on my psyche. Violence, war, disasters, authoritarianism, collective trauma – these stories grab and hold the headlines, and my level of anxiety. I end up wondering if we are going to make it, we meaning humans. I can find myself captured by worry and fear – what’s next? I also recognize that I don’t want to live in that space. I am sort of…an eternal optimist…probably naively so. But, in these times, where is the hope?

It is there, but we have to look for it.

The phrase “look for the helpers” is most closely associated with Fred Rogers, the creator of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, a television show that was popular when I was a child. He shared it as guidance he received from his own mother whenever frightening or overwhelming events occurred. I was reminded of this phrase in passing while glancing at a list of recent stories online. 

The core idea is simple but profound: In moments of crisis, pain, or fear, there are always people who step forward to help.

Rather than focusing solely on danger, chaos, or harm, Rogers encouraged people, especially kids, but really all of us, to shift attention toward acts of care, courage, and service. He was inviting us to see the good that was happening. By noticing the helpers, we can feel a sense of restored safety, agency, and shared humanity, especially when the world feels out of control.

This wasn’t about denying suffering or pretending everything is okay. A lot is happening in the world these days to be concerned about. Rather, it was about where we place our attention when suffering is unavoidable. 

Why might looking for the helpers be psychologically powerful? I think it can do several things at once. 

First, (and one that matters to me and helps with my own sense of this feeling), it can counter helplessness and a sense of being unsafe. It can remind us that action is possible, even if we are not the ones directly intervening. When people are overwhelmed, the nervous system is scanning for threat (“What’s next?”). Seeing others respond with care, coordination, and courage sends a counter-signal: The world is not only dangerous; it is also responsive. This matters because safety is not just physical, it’s relational and contextual. Observing others helping tells the brain that someone is paying attention; we can get organized under stress, downshift arousal, and recognize that harm is not the only force in motion. Seeing care and coordination can reduce threat reactivity. This supports nervous system regulation. When we see good, we feel safe – we can take action again. And there is good in the world. I am sure of it, and helplessness is not the only response – the helpers are out there. 

Second, it broadens perspective under threat. Stress, trauma, and fear narrow attention. Attending to the helpers widens it again. Seeing helpers expands the field without denying pain. This might be subtle, but essential. It allows multiple truths to coexist: suffering is real and care is real, harm exists and response exists. This flexibility is a cornerstone of resilience. When we can vary our attention, we see more than just the threat. We also see caring, love, courage, and kindness. Thus….

Third, it anchors us back in values. When we see helping, we implicitly orient toward what matters. We witness compassion, service, courage, and care as they become tangible in the helping response. We see values in action. I notice my own sense of being “lifted” when I witness an act of courage, defiance, or assistance in times of need. I remember that values are alive and well. The invitation to not be guided by fear but by what matters emerges out of that place. That recognition matters deeply when people feel alienated from humanity itself. Helpers embody responsibility and moral response. They quietly answer the question, “Is there still good here?” Not philosophically, but behaviorally. Yes, there is still good here. I am not alone in valuing care. Given this…

Fourth, it offers a bridge back to agency. When people feel helpless to make a change, agency often disappears from view. Seeing helpers plants a seed. Witnessing others help keeps agency imaginable without requiring its use in the moment. It simply keeps the possibility of future movement alive. It reminds us that action, care, and response are available. Over time, this can form a bridge back to agency: first as attention, then as choice, and eventually, when capacity allows, as action guided by values rather than pressure.

And finally, it reconnects people to shared humanity. Isolation is one of the most damaging aspects of suffering. Watching others help, even strangers, restores a sense of belonging to something larger: A collective response is underway, and I am still part of the human story. When we notice helpers as members of a community rather than heroes per se, the message shifts from the idea that only exceptional people respond to this to this is something humans do: you are held within something larger and ongoing. That alone can prevent existential collapse.

Looking for the helpers does not require positivity. It asks only for accurate noticing: help is happening.

“Helpers” are everywhere. People comforting others, donating resources, or quietly showing up; neighbors offering shelter or food; first responders, medical staff, and volunteers; people who protest, organize, vote, volunteer, donate, and strike; whistleblowers, journalists, artists; those who refuse to dehumanize others, choosing compassion over polarized spaces; ordinary individuals doing small, humane acts in extraordinary circumstances.

When the world feels unbearable, it helps to remember this: people are responding. Not perfectly, not all at once—but again and again, in ways both quiet and bold. Remember, look for the helpers.

Personal Reflection: Look for the Helpers

In this personal reflection, take a moment to settle and find a quiet place where you can engage uninterrupted. Close your eyes if you choose, and start by noticing. Think back over the past week or so and ask yourself: “Where did I notice someone helping?”

This could be visible (protesting, donating, organizing) or quiet (listening, checking in, refusing to look away). You don’t need a full story. Even a brief image or moment is enough.

After finding the moment of helping and letting yourself attend to that moment or gesture, widen the lens. Ask: “What does this moment say about what humans do in response to suffering? What does it remind you about the kind of world you are still part of, even when things feel hard?”

Finally, let yourself register: I belong to the same human community as this person.

And, complete this sentence (silently or in writing): Right now, noticing the helpers helps me remember that… 

ACT Micro Practice: Becoming a Helper

Pause and notice where you are. Let whatever you’re feeling be here. 

Bring to mind one way people are helping right now. This could be: offering care, donating, or organizing, protesting injustice, telling the truth, or quietly showing up...

Let yourself notice: This is something humans do.

Then, gently turn toward your place in it. Without pressure to act, ask: Is there a way of staying connected to helping that fits my capacity right now?

This might be: noticing with care, offering kindness, supporting someone else’s effort, resting so you can stay human, or choosing not to turn away. There is no “right” answer; consider what fits for you.

If something feels possible, take one small step, set a quiet intention, and act.

Examples: share a resource, send a supportive message, donate a small amount, stay present with someone’s pain, or simply decide: I am still on the side of care.

Research Spotlight: Continuing With the Theme

“Our findings suggest that the reward experienced from helping others may be deeply ingrained in human nature, emerging in diverse cultural and economic contexts” (Aknin et al., 2013).

A substantial body of research supports this conclusion, showing that prosocial orientation, caring about and acting for the benefit of others, is reliably associated with greater psychological well-being. Across experimental, longitudinal, and meta-analytic studies, helping behaviors such as volunteering, performing acts of kindness, offering emotional support, and contributing time or effort to others are linked to higher positive affect, greater life satisfaction, and stronger social connection (Hui et al., 2020; Curry et al., 2018). Experimental studies show that even brief, everyday acts of helping, such as listening, offering assistance, or doing something kind for another person, can increase well-being (Curry et al., 2018). Prosocial spending is one example of this broader pattern, illustrating how directing resources toward others instead of oneself can enhance happiness, but it is not the only pathway, nor the central one (Dunn et al., 2008; Aknin et al., 2013). Overall, the evidence suggests that it is the act of helping itself, rather than the form it takes, that supports human well-being.

References  

Dunn, E. W., Aknin, L. B., & Norton, M. I. (2008). Spending money on others promotes happiness. Science, 319(5870), 1687–1688. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1150952

Aknin, L. B., Dunn, E. W., & Norton, M. I. (2013). Prosocial spending and well-being: Cross-cultural evidence for a psychological universal. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(4), 635–652. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031578

Hui, B. P. H., Ng, J. C. K., Berzaghi, E., Cunningham-Amos, L. A., & Kogan, A. (2020). Rewards of kindness? A meta-analysis of the link between prosociality and well-being. Psychological Bulletin, 146(12), 1084–1116. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000298

Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320–329. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2018.02.014

Events and Resources: 

Go here to get a guided exercise called: Witnessing Your Emotions (now available with a transcript)